Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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