He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
