Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
