if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
