I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
