The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
