So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
