The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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