when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
