Kiss
Puke
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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