what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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