no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if i died would you start the facebook group?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
