I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
