You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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