I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize