I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
