in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
