Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
