I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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