Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Still dying that you shit outside
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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