i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
