Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
