i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
