Welp...herpes.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
