I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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