yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
