its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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