i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
