Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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