I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
