Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize