drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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