ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
