i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
