I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
