If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
