it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
