Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
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You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
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Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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