My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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