My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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