I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
