I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
