Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
