the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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