she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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