i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
