now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
