Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
