Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
