Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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