whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
