And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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