Well douche your snatch and let's go!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
