I want to stick my p in your. b.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
