i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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