you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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