I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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