hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
