i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
