I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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