i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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