You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
