note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
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Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
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I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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