I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
