fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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