He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
