Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
