he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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